Problem Solved

Last November, while I was working for the Bureau of Land Management in Yuma, Arizona, I was driving through the Sonoran Desert with two co-workers, John Hall and Mike Pittman, and we discussed what my living situation in Zambia would be like.  We hit all the topics: food, electricity, showering, transportation, and, of course, the bathroom.


It was this latter issue that caused me to really consider what I was getting myself into and what possible, terrible experiences may arise.  (Don't read anymore if you can't handle real-world situations.  This post is about to elevate to Mike Rowe and Dirty Jobs status)...


Here is the worst situation that we could come up with, and truth be told it is very possible and even likely that it will happen to me.  It is that I get to Zambia and the food disagrees terribly with me.  I have already resided myself to knowing that this will happen.  Of course it will.  It happens every time I go abroad, but here is the kicker.  There isn't an American-style toilet anywhere to be found.  No American Standard.  No Kohler.  Nothing.  Instead... a pit with some artifacts of patrons past.  


Now, if you haven't had the luxury to experience a pit toilet first hand you can create one at home relatively easily.  Put something wet on the toilet seat (this is to avoid sitting on the seat) and hover over it while humming BTO's Taking Care of Business, while taking care of your business, and that's pretty much what you're dealing with.  But don't forget that aim is half the battle, leg strength is the other.  Add in a dash of traveler's diarrhea and you've got a real interesting memory.  Just remember you don't have the bowl of the toilet to catch what you put in motion (if you know what I mean).  The real issue here is exposed legs.  


Luckily, I worked with some intrepid inventors and the three of us resolved this problem.  The solution: a squatting crate that will serve as the bowl and splash guard.  Gross, I know, but it is a necessary piece of equipment.  I thought that was it... problem solved.  But oh no!  My dear friend John and his fiance, Ashley, took it a step further and at my going away party gave me a gift that is worth its weight in gold.  A brand new, light-weight toilet seat for this crate.  I couldn't be happier.  It will be one of the few "luxury" items that I take with me to Zambia.  Again, thanks so much John and Ashley.  It'll be just like home. 

John Hall, Ashley Shepherd, and the Very Useful Toilet Seat