The Peace Corps and Marriage

Everyone comes to Zambia looking for something.  Some look to help their fellow man; some to make money; some - like me - to experience something new and different.  And then there are others that come looking for love.

What a romantic notion, right? Going off to a foreign land in search of a hus­band or wife. Most don’t come here with that sole intention, but it does happen and I doubt they would say they wish it hadn’t.



Every group, or “intake,” of Peace Corps Volunteers (usually about 30) has at least one of their own find love and a life of happiness with a Zambian man or woman.



Here’s proof that love and the Peace Corps go together: Tom Hanks met his wife Rita Wilson while filming the movie Volunteers, a movie about two young Peace Corps Volunteers serving in Southeast Asia. I think that sets the standard pretty high for the rest of us volunteers.



No doubt love at first sight, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson met while portraying Peace Corps Volunteers based in Southeast Asia.

Anyway, I would picture a place more like the French countryside, a beach in Tahiti or even one of those cheap mar­riage chapels in Las Vegas to be more conducive to love than a small village in rural Zambia. But then again it seems to often fit the bill.



And why shouldn’t it? As a whole, Zambians are a very attractive people, they’re incredibly friendly and although it isn’t a white sandy beach with palm trees swaying nearby, a village is as exotic a locale as any other destination.



Chris and Lauren met during her first few months in the Peace Corps and haven't looked back since.  Love and the Peace Corps, sometimes, go together perfectly.

But before I continue on with volunteers being in love, I should first talk about local love — village relationships.  Most rural marriages aren’t for love. They’re more for convenience and a working partnership (in my opinion). The woman has her gender-specific roles that she’s in charge of carrying out: bearing children, cooking food, laundry and other household duties. Comparatively, the man is in charge of things like caring for the animals, planting and maintaining the fields among other more male-specific chores.



As far as love as we know it, villagers don’t exactly go all out on Valentine’s Day for their significant others, or any day for that matter. Love and romance aren’t synonymous with marriage by any means, and in the local language of my area there isn’t even a word for love. Their word “nakutemwa” means, “I like you.”  No love, just like.

Similar to other African cultures, most tribes in Zambia use a dowry system for acquiring a wife. The price increases based on the potential bride’s viewed worth.



With assistance by my best buddy, Caleb, and a computer for sound Lauren and Chris dance at their wedding in April 2015.  The wedding was in the middle of the forest and though there were plans to have an actual sound system there, a number of things came together to prevent that from happening - namely the fact that the ceremony was in the African forest.

The happy couple, post-ceremony, posing with some of Chris' family / Lauren's new family.

For example, if she comes from a respected family, has finished high school and/or does not have children by the time of the marriage, then her family can command a higher price.



When the actual marriage does occur, it’s very different from the American version.
 In the days leading up to the ceremony the bride and groom are kept apart. The bride-to-be will attend a cere­mony called a “kitchen party” where she’ll be taught how to be a good wife, both by properly doing house chores and how to please her new husband (oh-la-la!). As well, the groom enjoys a long bachelor’s party.



Then the ceremony is held, everyone is dressed up and they’re married. My favorite oddity of the local wedding has nothing to do with the ceremony, it has to do with the couple’s photo together — they never smile. Of all the Zambian wedding photos I’ve seen there never once is a smile, just a 1,000-yard stare to the side of the camera.



Even volunteers pay a dowry when they marry a Zambian. My friend Jesse Crikelair was married to a wonderful Zambian woman by the name of Jose­phine Lwabila in 2013, and following traditional custom Jesse had to pay a dowry of about $1,000.



Not very uncommon... volunteers and locals do get hitched on occasion.  In nearly every group of incoming volunteers to Zambia there will be one or two Americans that marry a local man or woman.

Jesse and Josephine at their wedding.  Currently they're living in Philadelphia and enjoying their lives together.

While many of us will leave Zambia with scars to our legs and maybe even the odd parasite, other volunteers will leave with a husband or a wife. And if finding love in the Peace Corps was good enough for Tom Hanks, then it should be good enough for all of us.